Today’s guest post is from Courtney Baxtron. She shares an awesome parenting resource to help moms communicate better with toddlers.
Are you ready to learn cool new tricks to handle your kids better? Read away.————————————————————————————————————————
The challenges and privileges involved in raising a child through the toddler years can seem endless. On top of power struggles and picky eating, the most obvious challenge is communicating in a way that your toddler will listen.
In the book The Happiest Toddler on the Block, Dr. Harvey Karp shares practical advice and tips to transform day-to-day life from a constant battle of wills, to an opportunity for learning and practicing better communication. (If you’ve never heard of him, I’d like to kindly nudge you to take a moment and glance at his bio.)
Here are 2 ways on…
How to (immediately) improve communicating with a toddler:
1. The Fast Food Rule
When you go to the drive thru of a fast food restaurant and place an order, the associate taking your order will usually repeat the order back to you to confirm they have received your message and understand what you want correctly.
Used in the same way, applying the fast food rule in communicating with your toddler will reduce meltdowns and frustrations. Instead of changing the subject or using distraction, acknowledging what your toddler wants or is feeling before responding with an answer will help your toddler feel heard and respected.
For example: Say you are talking on the phone and your toddler keeps trying to get your attention (demanding that you play with them or something similar). A very normal reaction would be to tell your child “I’m on the phone, hold on” or “One minute” without actually acknowledging the child’s request.
Most of the time this will escalate to more attempts to earn attention. Pausing the phone call to say, “You want me to come play with you and the dollhouse?” and receiving confirmation that that’s indeed what your child wants, you follow with, “Yes, I will come play dollhouse, just as soon as I finish this call, why don’t you go set it up?”
The funny thing is that we all want to be given the courtesy of being understood in this way. And you can actually employ the fast food rule in all of your relationships.
The key is to first repeat or paraphrase your understanding of what someone has shared with you before giving a response, opinion or advice. I’m personally amazed at the difference this has made in my relationship with my daughter, as well as with my husband!
2. Learn Toddler-ese
When a toddler is upset, which can seem quite frequently due to their volatile emotions and lack of coping skills, the last thing that will help them to process their emotions is a long-winded explanation. Simple two-word phrases are potent when addressing a toddler on the verge of a tantrum or meltdown.
Using the same example as before, let’s say your toddler doesn’t want to wait for you to get off the phone. They start to fuss and perhaps get angry because you are unwilling to give your full attention immediately.
Using toddler-ese, you say, “Mad mad…you want mommy off phone now!” You can say the phrase a couple of times, until you see that your toddler feels acknowledged and then once again reinforce your stance. Once your child is calm again, feel free to speak normally. It will feel funny the first few times you attempt this but the results will speak for themselves!
I hope these methods will prove helpful for you. When it comes to parenting toddlers, it seems that having an arsenal of methods to try is often the best approach!
About the author:
Courtney Baxtron is a wife, mom and writer at Baxtron{Life}.
nice post. i can totally relate on #1 especially if i’m busy and my son keeps dragging me. thanks for sharing this post.
Memorable Experience in Norway
Yes, this is indeed great infromation from Courtney.
Anne, it’s so nice to see Courtney here, what a great match, you both always have such good advice! Courtney I love this post. When I had my first child 13 years ago I read and followed Between Parent and Child, which really promoted the active listening and naming feelings. I have to say whenever I use those methods, whether they were babies, or now older, it works!! Thanks for a great book suggestion and a great post!
L is for Lizzy
Thanks for your lovely comment, Kathy! And I love reading about your experiences.. glad to know that the tips above work really well
Thanks for sharing these tips, and the book suggestion, too! Makes me want to get a copy of that book for myself!
Sneak Peek | Makeup that’s Oh So Sleek!
Twitter: RebelSweetHrt
It does sound like an awesome book. The great thing about books about communication is that they are applicable to everyone – adults included.
Thank you for a very helpful and interesdting post. I’m looking forward to putting this into action with my 15 month old twins.
Leigh @oneandoneequalstwinfun.com
Twins become Convicts!
Twitter: Twinfun1n1
Hey Leigh! Your boys are adorable and good luck on using the techniques Courtney gave.
I totally agree in that toddlers wants and needs to be recognized. It really helps when they feel that you are acknowledging their demands are seek for attention instead of telling them to do something else
Spanish Pinay
Our Little Sevillana
Twitter: Spanish_Pinay
Absolutely. Even adults need the acknowledgement of wants and needs.
I am so guilty of #1! I never even thought to repeat back what she is saying to me; how horrible that she may be thinking I’m ignoring her. I’ll be making that change today. Thank you!
Make Your Own Slime
Twitter: VenturesofHome
Glad you found this helpful, Jenn. Another book on improving communication (this time in adult relationships) suggests the use of the same strategy.
#1 works for me. It is interesting what else is in the book.
Biting and Breastfeeding
Twitter: TheLazyMama
Hi Carol, yup the book really sounds interesting! Thanks for dropping by!
true enough that toddlers are really adorable but sometimes hard to understand. my 20-month old son is heading up the terrible two stage and by now i am seeing the signs (sigh!). but i am glad you had this post before anything else fall into pieces, lol! no. 1 works for me a lot since my son is not yet that good in expressing his self though i can already understand the words he said. i am actually doing that and it works sometimes
thanks for sharing a helpful information as always.
Glad this is useful for you, Maye. Hope you are doing well!
Anne… great choice for a guest post. Courtney is awesome, as indicated by this post!
Day 357 ~ "Never" miss an "Opportunity"
Twitter: cali_gal63
Yes! Courtney is awesome. Thanks for the comment, Carla. How are you by the way?
Being a mother of five you would think I know how yo communicate very well with them. Five different personalities, I am always learning when it comes to them.
I hear other parents say that with each child, there’s always something different. This is proof that there really is no cookie-cutter solution to parenting.