I felt like a wild, childless twenty-something, even though I was a thirty-nine year old mother of two children under four.
The night before, two mom friends and I met for appetizers and drinks, and closed down a local restaurant.
The next morning these same women and I armed ourselves with egg sandwiches, coffee and sunglasses, and took our non-preschool attendees to the playground.
It was an ideal day — sunny and warm enough to get away with only a t-shirt. The park was relatively empty.
Each of our children who could walk did a wonderful job navigating the equipment and toys on their own, and we moms used this opportunity to practice our non-helicopter parenting and chat.
When the kids became clingy and whiny and began interrupting our conversations, in very un-French fashion, we soothed them with snacks.
We needed each other that morning.
Desperately.
The only thing worse than, “God, I’m hungover and I’m on solo mommy duty today,” would have been “God, it’s 100 degrees outside and I’m stuck inside a port-o-potty.”
Our playground playdate felt fun and mischievous, almost like playing hooky from being moms. The camaraderie – the support – of parallel parenting felt like a lifeline.
I felt greedy. I wanted more.
I wished that my friends and I had the freedom to go shopping, or to go have a nice lunch. Even with our children. I longed to stay with my pals and just go somewhere.
But, of course, this was impossible.
There were older siblings who needed to be picked up from preschool. There were lunches to make and eat, and naps to be taken. There was a rhythm to the day, and we had to keep marching RIGHT. ON. THE. BEAT.
By noon, our little morning-after fiesta at the playground was over.
I walked home with my friend who didn’t have to rush to midday preschool pick-up.
At the corner where our paths diverged, we became like sad children who at playdate’s end, can’t bear to part, can’t bear to leave the high of having fun with friends.
“Don’t leave me alone with her,” I blurted out. I was referring to my daughter with whom I’d be spending the afternoon with before picking up her brother at school.
I said it out loud. And my friend knew just what I meant.
It wasn’t that I was out of patience or angry, as my little girl had behaved well that morning. Nor was I going to do anything desperate, violent or destructive. I love my daughter madly.
But I wanted company.
I craved it. It takes a village, not just for cooking and cleaning, or for education, discipline, safety and health, but for moral support.
Back at home, Lady A and I did lunch and got ready for her nap. We snuggled together in the glider chair in her room. I nuzzled her soft cheek, breathed in the scent of her hair and sang “You are My Sunshine.”
I felt monstrously guilty. Tears sprang to my eyes. Why did I sometimes feel lost? Why was I making this so hard? How could I seize more — create more — giddy, childlike escapes for myself?
We work so hard to live in the moment with our children, and often we succeed. But in our own lives, we mothers are rarely able to be really and truly present.
Can we recapture even some degree of spontaneity? Or is the ability to seize moments for ourselves something we’ll have to long for and reminisce about?
Author bio:
Keesha Beckford is a former professional dancer who has performed here in the U.S. and in Europe. Currently, she is a master dance teacher in the Chicago area. A mother of two, she stages frequent living room dance parties, sometimes solo and sometimes with other members of her family. She blogs at Mom’s New Stage to keep her creative juices flowing, as well as to explore the question “How does she do it?” for herself and other moms in the arts.
I know I need mom-playdate SO much. But I didn’t realize that it’s THIS much until I read this post. Almost brought me to tears. I miss my friends in the Philippines so much and long to spend time with them especially those who are mommies like me as well. I can’t describe enough how hard it is to be oceans away from the place where you grew up and built life with families and friends. I can’t complain with how I have my life now with my own family but I still can’t help but miss other important people whom I have built so much memories with. Love the post.
Spanish Pinay
Wordless Wednesday: The art of weighing your kid
Twitter: Spanish_Pinay
I was going to suggest you to skype with your friends- but nothing beats a physical presence. Hopefully you can come home soon (even for a vacation) and meet new friends over there so you have other moms to vent to. I had a feeling you’d like this post.
I am so glad that my post resonated with you. I have to admit to crying as I wrote the last part, and while I generally don’t like to make people cry, I am happy that you had an emotional connection to the post! I hope that you are able to find some mommy friends where you live currently. I have found that even mom friends I’ve only known for a relatively short time, can feel like the best of friends – like people I’ve known forever.
Slap That Mom
Twitter: momsnewstage
This brought so many memories back!!! I cherished my mommy friends when my children were younger and before they were in school. I have had moments where I too felt like I would cry having to say goodbye to the adult company that felt so wonderful. I still sometimes feel like this when I say goodbye to a friend after a coffee or lunch date before the kids come home from school. I don’t feel these feelings mean I don’t love my children or my life as a mom but it does mean that we as moms need the company of other adults. Thank you for a beautiful piece, and Anne thanks for letting us get to know Keesha better!!
My Dishwasher My Muse
That’s true, longing for the company of others doesn’t mean we don’t love our children, it just means we have other needs as well – like support from friends.
Kathy, like Spanish Pinay, I so knew you’d love this post. And you are most welcome. I’m glad Keesha agreed to guest post for Green Eggs & Moms. She has more great stuff over at her blog
Feel free to snoop around. Hugs to you!
Thank you, Anne!
I have to admit I was worried about those comments that say if you complain, etc. you don’t love your child. It just doesn’t work that way!
And yes, everyone come visit Mom’s New Stage – it’s a fun place!
Slap That Mom
Twitter: momsnewstage
Awwwww, thanks Kathy!
This post also made me aware of how my son feels when he says goodbye to his friends. It is difficult for people of all ages to put out the fire of a good time.
To be honest, when I was little (and as an only child) I had meltdowns every time company left or I left a playdate. Apparently, not much has changed!
Slap That Mom
Twitter: momsnewstage
Thank you Keesha for such a lovely post! And you were such a great person to work with – very insightful, truthful and well-written post. Love this!
What an amazing post Anne! And I wholeheartedly agree! Happy Friday.
They Say it’s Your Birthday
Twitter: avagracescloset
Glad you liked it Susan and the real thank you goes out to Keesha. Make most of the weekend!
This is something I long for all the time, mommy playdates, even if the kids tag along. Why? Because, in my 12 years of marriage, we’ve never lived around other parents, if ya don’t count the “mom” down the street, and her uncle, who leaves their children to run free the entire day, so they do as they please. Sometimes I feel as though I’m a mother of 10, because their three children are always up here
Kute Kittens
Twitter: shutterbug325
Aww, if only we lived close to each other!! But I’m from a different continent. Hopefully though you find other moms you can hangout with so you can enjoy their company. A good place to start is VB.. ask around who stays in your area
You never know, someone might just live a few houses down.
I used to crave that time to. But I tend to get it a lot now. It helps that my mom is my best friend for real.
We can go to “Nana’s” house a lot. She comes to my house as well. My dad used to have a job in over the road trucking, and my mom went with him. At that time I would be without my friend for a month, see her for 4 days then she would be gone a month. It was hard. Now that my dad works at my husbands job (so weird! haha) I see my mom just about everyday! 
Porcupine Meatballs
You are so lucky to have such an especially tight bond with your mom (not to mention such a close family in general)!
A Tribute to My Mom Friends
Twitter: momsnewstage
And at least you have somewhere to drop off the kids – especially when things get overwhelming. It really helps to have friends and relatives live nearby.
I need some time like this. I used to feel guilt wanting to get away from the kids, but I know better now. What would really be fun is if you came over to my house for a party! Woo Hoo sista!
Here’s Some Suggestions For You Mrs. Mom…
Twitter: http://sharon-moms-madhouse.com/
I wish all we bloggers could meet up for parties somehow. We need a more twitter parties. Except that then I need someone to get me up to speed on how to do a twitter party.
Loved the post about FB. I am right there with you. I have friends I need to unfriend because their lives are too fabulous. And then if I wrote, jeez, Does anything BAD ever happen to you, then I’D be the crazy negative freak.
Slap That Mom
Twitter: momsnewstage
This is such a great post. It made me all teary. Just this morning, I was holding my daughter in my lap singing to her while we watched my son peek through the blinds watchng the gardeners, and he would look back at me and smile nad then go back to peeking…and I teared up and asked myself why i can’t just enjoy more moments like this, instead of feeling so overwhelmed and alone so often.
My Week In Pixler!
Twitter: LilHappyHeathen
It is so hard to enjoy even the beautiful moments in motherhood when, to quote Sheryl Crow, you feel like a stranger in your own life.
And ironically all the advice to live in the present can feel like more pressure.
But it does sound like some part of you knows that you were in a pure moment. Some part of you felt calm and whole. I hope it was comforting to know that we all feel overwhelmed, and that no one understands that as much as another mom.
Slap That Mom
Twitter: momsnewstage
Aww Ashleigh.. I know a few moms who feel overwhelmed at times and I’m not quite sure what to say here but… you can vent here anytime if that will help.
I love this post! I’m at the point where I’m having play dates with my grand babies and their grandmas. We all need adult time and adults to talk to and time to pursue our dreams! I really enjoyed your post!
Grace and Mercy is Not Just For Others
Twitter: ErinPatrick
Wow! Grandma playdates sound terrific! So glad you enjoyed the post!
Slap That Mom
Twitter: momsnewstage
Erin’s in a different world, Keesha.
I can imagine though how glad she feels carrying around her grand children. You know how grandparents can get, right?
I was having one of those days today. Little Bit was so good. He played happily all day but I just felt sad. I wanted to go out. I wanted to go shopping with my best gal pal. I knew that couldn’t happen because we both have little ones and she homeschools her older one. I should have been overjoyed at Little Bit’s good mood but I wasn’t. I medicated with carbs. It worked for now ;D
Saying Hello Blog Hop
Hi Amy-
So glad you liked the post. I know that one day I will be longing for the little kid times, but now it can be hard can’t it?
As for medicating with carbs, ain’t nothing wrong with that!
Please visit my blog, Mom’s New Stage when you have a chance!
A Tribute to My Mom Friends
Twitter: momsnewstage
Sometimes when I’m out with my friends, I forget for a while that I’m a mom. And it would feel good. Of course, that’s not to say that when reality snaps back I’m disheartened or anything, what it means is that we really just need space.
I bet our kids will also want time away from us when they get older – especially in their teens.
Keesha, it’s brilliant. It’s tough! Motherhood can be lonely, even though you are never alone. Great Mom friends that you really connect with are priceless. I think we’ve all had moments these. Very well said.
HI Amy-
I can’t tell you how much it means to me that so many moms could relate to this post. For a few moments when I was writing I began to wonder if I was a bit off my pins! I don’t know where I’d be without my mom friends (actually I do, and it’s not good…). I hope every mother has or finds herself some good fellow moms for support in the trenches.
So glad you liked it, and I’ll hope you’ll come join the audience over at my blog Mom’s New Stage!
A Tribute to My Mom Friends
Twitter: momsnewstage
Keesha, so agree with you – can’t imagine life without mom friends. It’s so nice to be able to talk about your fears about child rearing with them. Single and childless friends just won’t get it (and I mean no offence here).
This made me smile
I can relate. I am glad you had a mommy playdate – two days in a row! I loved how you said, that you were practicing the “non- helicopter parenting” at the park lol!
Leigh
Y is for Yawn – Adorable baby photos
Twitter: Twinfun1n1
Hi Leigh-
If someone could teach a course in non-helicopter parenting I’d sign right up! But it seems like Murphy’s Law is always at work – as soon as you are across the playground chatting with a girlfriend/texting/tending to your other child(ren) that’s when the child at the top of the highest piece of equipment in the place (and one she’s used flawlessly before) sustains a death-defying fall.
Sigh.
Glad you liked. Come over and have a seat at my blog, Mom’s New Stage if you have time!
A Tribute to My Mom Friends
Twitter: momsnewstage
This made me laugh Keesha! It’s true! Kids pick the most inconvenient times to be in danger…
But that’s the role we signed up for when we had them – no matter what we’re doing, if we need to swoop in and save the day, that we shall do
You don’t have to feel guilty. I know very well how it feels to be living each day as a mom, what with the responsibilities and all. It makes us lose our own identity sometimes, living only for the flock. We need a breather too where we can unwind and just be carefree. Who better to do that with than our friends? It’s like a dose of vitamin E to better face the routine days ahead, isn’t it? So go and have fun!
Hyatt Credit Card Review: 2 Free Nights
Couldn’t have said it better! It’s really comforting to know that other moms feel the same way because it makes most of us feel guilty when we want to take a breather, as you say, Amy.
Motherhood is no exception when it comes to taking breaks. It’s no joke to explain to your 5 year old repeatedly why he needs to sleep at night instead of watching Nick Jr – which cable schedules to play close to bed time – especially if you’re stressed out yourself. Then there’s the matter of getting them ready for breakfast, school, nap time, studying, etc, etc…
Not complaining but it’s tough!
I think we all have the same need to connect with other women regardless of how we do it. Whether it’s happy hour or coffee during a play date, there is something that is helpful by progressing our own friendships too. As a Mom to three small ones, I try to balance playing with my kids, but also allowing them time to interact with each other while I focus on my own relationship with my friends (their friends mother)- Yay for non helicopter parenting. More parents need to do it. Free play is so essential for our children and they benefit by watching our examples of focusing on friendship! Glad to have found you.
….time for Plaza tea…..
Twitter: thebalderachs
What you said about free-play is true. Kids need that to develop better and of course, that gives us a bit of free time to chat with an old friend.
Hope you’re having a great weekend, Tracy!
Thank you so much, Tracy. I think those of us who manage to non-helicopter parent successfully need to school the rest of us for whom it doesn’t come so easily!
Feature Story: Elena Marre of The Kids’ Table
Twitter: momsnewstage
Oh Keesha…once again you’ve managed to crawl inside my brain, dig around in there, and surface with my thoughts, fears and wishes grasped in your hands and type them out for me. How do you do that? I loved this post. It’s reassuring to hear that other moms have the same feelings as I do, feeling lost at times, wondering if I’m not making this harder than it should be. That whole “takes a village” thing is so very true. And it’s not just to raise children, to but guide parents as well. Thanks, once again, for your amazing writing.
Closing time…
Hi Gina! Agree with you there- Keesha is a great writer!
Thank you for dropping by here.
Oh, thank you so much, Gina! It really does warm my heart to hear that my post touched you, and that you enjoy my writing.
We all take our parenting so seriously, to the point where we often make things so much harder than they need to be. Other than talking to our friends, in person or online, and celebrating the small victories in the day, I don’t know what else we can do.
I wish you all the best, and thank you so much for your compliments and wonderful response!
Feature Story: Elena Marre of The Kids’ Table
Twitter: momsnewstage
I remember I shut everyone out (my friends) when I got pregnant. When my daughter turned 3, I reconnect with them. Some stayed, others left. I was trying so hard to be a good mom that I forgot I have myself also to take care. There’s always a guilt feeling before when I stayed out late with my friends. But now that my daughter’s a big girl, and I have time with friends, it’s BETTER — I think I’m a better mom with them by my side.
Betty’s | Sans Rival and Choco Revel Bars
Twitter: angelirene0411
Hi Irene, it’s so nice to know that you are now in touch with your friends. It’ helps a lot when Moms are happy too, sound continue to see your friends
We’re all about keeping sane here in Green Eggs & Moms, after all. 
Isn’t it sad that we are the first things we forget when we become mothers. How does that happen? Is it possible to do otherwise, when you don’t have help. Or do we shun help because we want to feel like big girls, like superwomen who can do it all?
Sigh.
As for you, I am so happy that you have reconnected with friends, and have seen the importance of maintaining your spirit and your sanity!
Feature Story: Elena Marre of The Kids’ Table
Twitter: momsnewstage