Ideal situation: kids picking up their toys after one or two reminders.
What if you could increase the chances of your kids following what you say right now?
What if this could be done without requiring major behavioral adjustments for both you and your children?
Do you think it sounds too good to be true?
This isn’t a trick but a simple and EASY technique you can do right this very moment to get your children to listen and follow.
Introducing The “Step Back” Technique
Clean your room. Finish your food. Dress up.
These are only some of the many things children are reminded of on a daily basis.
What’s frustrating is that no matter how many times you’ve told them to quit jumping on the bed because they might fall, they don’t listen.
Also, it takes a million times for you to remind them to pick up their toys before they actually get to it…
Avoid erupting like a volcano by using the Step Back Technique.
…unless they notice you’re about to erupt like Mt. Vesuvius, which destroyed two Roman cities – Pompeii and Herculaneum – in 79 AD, by the way.
The Step Back technique is based on a 2009 study done by the University of Colorado, US, which found that though young children aren’t good planners, they are good at storing information for later use.
This means two things.
First, instilling foresight at such a young age may not be a lost cause, but don’t expect them to analyze possible scenarios and plan actions accordingly.
Second, children retrieve information from past experience (which is why this technique is called Step Back), and this is what you, harried mom, should capitalize on.
How To Use This Technique
Instead of saying: After taking a shower, always make sure you fix the bathroom.
Say this: Remember that time you fixed the bathroom right after your shower, without me even reminding you to do so? Do you think you could do that again now?
Instead of saying: Before you go outside, take the umbrella with you because it’s a hot and sunny day.
Say this: When you go outside and find that it’s hot, you can use the umbrella that’s by the door.
Instead of saying: Finish your glass of milk now.
Say this: Remember when the dentist told you to drink a glass of milk everyday for stronger teeth and bones? Why don’t you go ahead and empty that glass in front of you now?
There are many other applications, but you get the idea:
Capitalize on their memory.
Another bonus of using the Step Back technique is that culling out a specific event, one when children did something ideal like cleaning the bathroom without being told, reminds them that they can accomplish the task again.
This alone is encouraging.
So, what do you think of this method that can get kids to follow? Would you try it now?
Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.
About Anne Mercado
That’s an interesting technique. May try it out with the kids as reminding them to do stuff doesn’t seem to be very effective nowadays.
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It is interesting, isn’t it? Would love to know how it goes after you try it with your kiddos
Best of luck!
This was a great reminder! I try to be proactive and positive and not end up a huge mess but the daily life gets in the way from time to time! Thanks!
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Thanks too, Leah.
I like this technique and if you think about it this is the way that children TALK! It will prove valuable for me to remember it with my little ones.
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That makes sense, Jacqueline, as I do recall my kiddo often reminisces about the past. And sometimes, I’m amazed at how far back his memory stretches.
Sound advice! Love your visual of Mt. Vesuvius! That type of reaction rarely brings long-lasting results. I have also found that noticing their efforts and commenting at the time that they do something without being reminded is very motivational for encouraging future repetition, as well.
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Glad you like the visual because it sure does feel like I’m on the verge of a “mom-volcanic eruption” during frustrating times.
I cannot wait to put this in action. On second thought, I am glad I have to wait because both kids are napping. Amen.
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Haha, Keesha you always make me laugh. Would love to hear how this technique works for you
I need this! hehe! thanks for sharing! =D
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Hi Michi! I’m glad to be of help and love that you’ve left a comment here!! Will visit you(r blog) soon
What great tips! Thanks so much for sharing them! Blessings!
You welcome, Wendy!
Great to be back on your blog again! I will certainly capitalize on their little memories. It’s always amazing how much littles remember! I wish I was sharp like them. i can’t remember what I had for breakfast on some days
Great post- thanks for sharing the info! Tracy
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Tracy, it’s wonderful to have you back! Your comment made me laugh, but I know what you mean about how sharp the little ones are! And it always amazes me. By the way, what did you have for breakfast today?
You’re giving me great notes to take for later when I have kids. And I’m definitely jotting them down…:)
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You are welcome Megan!
This works on my little man. I’m glad his teacher introduced this technique to me.
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Nice to hear that this works for you and the little one.
Anne… this sounds so simple… so wonderful… however these people at the University of Colorado do not know my daughter Calley! LOL!! Grace, peace and blessings, Carla
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Hahaha, no they don’t know your Calley! You are right about that…:) Is she a willful young lady?
I’d love to try this soon! I agree that their memories are amazing. My eldest loves to tell me about what she watched and read. But she’s still confused about how far back is yesterday or the other night.
Young kids are confused with time (yesterday, last week, last month) but generally remember past events. Good luck with this, Cym and will check in with you to see how things go
Great post Anne! This is a good approach. Its almost like letting them be in charge which they love. I have done this a few times and its worked out for us.
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Thanks so much, Irene. It also works for me more often than not so I love this technique! And yes, we all know how much kids love to be in charge so it’s a good form of “trickery” haha
I like your ideas. I am going to try using them on my manboys and on the Hubster.
This made me laugh so much!! More than the kids, I’m interested to know how it works on your husband. Will you let me know, please? Haha
Sounds like positive parenting. I do think it is too advanced for our toddlers though – for them we still are using less words. I will use this in a few months though.
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Oh Leigh, you’ll be using it soon haha.
I’ve been struggling to get my daughter to follow my instructions and I have to admit, I usually burst out of frustration. Thank you for sharing this, I will definitely try this technique!
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They’re all geared towards getting kids to follow more, so stay tuned! Thanks for dropping by, Kimberly.
I used it last night on the hubster. Me “remember that time you went and got me gas in the car so I didn’t have to pump gas?”
Him” are you trying to say that you need gas?”
Me” yes”
Him”why didn’t you just say so?”
Me” I thought I did ”
Lol
Haha.. So I suppose it worked better than expected on the hubbie, eh? Have a great weekend, dearest!
Thanks for the tips. I didn’t used to have problems with my daughters listening to me. But now that they’re tweens, uh-oh! I hope this technique works because I’m tired of being a nagger. Haha!
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It would be interesting to see how this works with teens, Janice! Do let me know and best of luck to you!
Anne, I love you! You are heaven sent. I like this technique, because I think I can actually do this, and it just might work! What will I do without you! It’s always a struggle to get my daughter to obey what I say, that I often think she’s a lost cause. Thank you! I will remember to do this…
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Haha, Pepper!! You can definitely try this method and let me know how it works. Positive encouragement usually works – not all the time, but you know how the saying goes: you get more bees with honey! Anyhoo, I have a few more posts about how to get kids to follow so stay tuned as they may help you
Awesome post! I have to admit, that sometimes my little ones dont follow my directions, so I try to use less words as possible so they dont get confused, or get to doing something else. But I will try this out! Thanks Anne!
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Yes, Pamela, please do try this out and let me know what happens
Good luck!
I love this Anne! My girls keep me on my toes and if I’m not careful I can go off on rants with them which always ends up with them tuning me out. I’ll have to try using this approach with them. Thanks for sharing! =)
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I know what you mean by going off in rants. Hope this works for you Sara and good luck!
This is a great technique to share, and I do use it with my son, but didn’t know until now that it was a method of teaching that had a name.
Hi Rosey… there really was no name for it so I just went ahead and created one. Glad you like this and that you already use it.
Great Tips! I wish I’d read this 10 minutes ago when I was complaining that my daughter didnt clean her room. Could have used this technique on her!
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Haha, you could still use it anytime