Do you know that without problem solving skills your kids may…
- Be physically violent, destructive, disrespectful and have abusive behavior? [Empowering Parents]
- Attempt suicide as a teen after a trigger (fighting with family or friends, family death or a break-up)? [Internal Medicine News]
But why?
Why are these possible consequences of poor problem solvers?
To find the answer, let’s first take a closer look at this skill:
Defining problem solving
About (Psychology) says that it is a “…mental process that people go through to discover, analyze and solve problems.”
But we already knew that.
Here’s a more interesting definition.
According to Brainboxx there are two parts to problem solving.
- Analysis. Breaking down a problem into parts or manageable pieces
- Synthesis. Arranging parts to make sense of the problem at hand
Did you know that it’s also a coping method?
It’s what an article from Embrace the Future says.
And it makes sense.
Stress is a normal part of life and is often caused by problems.
How does one cope with stress?
By getting rid of the problem which is why developing this life skill at an early age is crucial.
Here’s what happens when children are without this tool
It leads to them feeling of powerless.
Every time they hit a road block they will remain behind it until their frustrations and anger manifest through tantrums, hitting, screaming and stomping. As mentioned earlier, it may lead to depression or suicide attempts in teens.
Let’s look at the flip side.
Here’s what happens when children have problem solving skills
They pummel through, jump or find a way around the roadblock.
It also gives them self-confidence and boosts self-esteem because it’s fulfilling to overcome obstacles. And if parents train children to view problems as learning opportunities, they grow into adults who do not fear challenges.
Now you’re thinking, “How do I teach my child to effectively solve problems?”
The problem solving process
- Identify the problem. What do you think the problem is, Missy?
- Seek out solutions. What do you think can be done about your doll not fitting inside the toy box?
- Evaluate possible solutions. Okay, if you continue to press down on the doll, will that work?
- Evaluate end results. Did that solve the problem? No? Okay, what’s another way to get the doll in the box?
*Repeat steps 3 and 4 until your child finds a solution that works.
Notice anything with the process? Your goal is to help them find a solution instead of providing one for them.
In addition, teaching this skill once or twice isn’t enough.
It’s an ongoing process that has to be practiced as often as possible. Do this and you lay the foundation for effective problem solving skills.
“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”
Here’s your parenting challenge for today: Use the process with your children now.
What are your thoughts on this?
About Anne Mercado
Good lesson here. My son’s frustration usually comes from something he is trying to draw that isn’t turning out right. I tell him to take a break and do something else. When he comes back to look at it with fresh eyes then he achieves what he had set out to draw. That’s the advice I tell myself.
Name that year…
It’s a good strategy to let them take a break first. It works for us adults too
It’s so important to give our children a way to figure out solutions to the things that frustrate them. When I was growing up, my dad used to say, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” It took me years to even be able to express anything negative. I had to learn as an adult! This is a great post!!
Blessings,
~Erin
When the Hurt and the Healer Collide
Twitter: ErinPatrick
I wasn’t taught how to solve problems… And not that am blaming anyone but parenting was so different from before. What’s great is now we have the power to arm our kids better.
In your case, I’m sure you have
Truly a good skill to learn. I often times find that I TRY to explain this to my 3 year old, but he gets SO frustrated because he is trying to do something that is literally impossible to do. I try to explain that some things in life can not be accomplished, so lets try something else. It’s hard when they get so frustrated! But then it’s his understanding that’s young. In time he will understand that, as an example, he can’t fly.
15 Blog Topic Ideas
I know what you mean about flying. Haha, it’s good that you’re starting very early though, he’ll get used to it
Another wonderful post Anne, I agree with having our kids to have the skills to be able to work things out thenselves, in my household I have so many different personalities, but my 8 year old is determined to do everything his older brother do, sometime I allow him to try and when he fails he understands why, because he is to small, its also good to have this skill as as kid, so that when you become an adult you will already have went through those frustrated time.. Thanks Anne for this post.
Almost Wordless Wednesday
I love how your son is a determined little boy! I love the trait
It’s actually surprising that some parents don’t give problem solving a lot of thought – and I’m guilty of that – because it’s so essential to surviving life.
You are welcome, Pamela. Forgot to tell you, I finally went to your about page and I loved seeing your picture there!! Now I have a face to match with all the wonderful comments.
This is such an important skill for kids to learn. Being able to step back from a problem, analyse it fully for its root cause and try other solutions will give them the ability to handle any issues that life can throw at them! Creativity and patience are welcome side-effects of the process too.
Twitter: GoldstarSavings
I love what you said about creativity and patience being side-effects!! That is so true
We absolutely need to equip our kids with coping mehanisms. Great article Anne.
Leigh
Day 1 of Project Organization: Kid Toy Area
Twitter: Twinfun1n1
We do! You’d be surprised with how many parents don’t teach their children coping techniques – not that it’s their fault.
I absolutely love this and couldn’t agree more. The questions you posed are perfect for kids to solve problems on their own, with parental support if they come up with answers that don’t work for them. Helping them reason out solutions to problems is absolutely one of the best lessons a parent can teach their child for immediate and future success in managing their own lives and independence. And lets face it, the problems to solve are always there!!
Suicide Prevention: Awareness is Key
Hi Lynn, problems are always there – it’s one of the constants in life. The sooner kids learn to accept that and learn to overcome them, the better it is for them.
Great ideas! Children (and adults) need coping skills. I’m visiting from Blog Frog conversation.
Kindergarten – Enroll or Wait?
Twitter: twitter.com/#!/susancasetexas
Thanks for dropping by, Susan! Welcome to Green Eggs & Moms and hope to see you more around here.
great article!
A Super Power to end all Super Powers
Glad you like it, Jennie! Hope all is well with you!
Great post, Anne! How horrifying to think that children can become violent or even attempt suicide because of lack of problem-solving skills. I love your suggestions for improving those skills. I’m your newest follower.
Montessori-Inspired Caterpillar-Butterfly Unit
Twitter: DebChitwood
Hi Deb, didn’t mean to scare anyone but it’s a good reminder of how important problem solving skills are
A very good lesson and I would say that any coping mechanism you provide your children is a good one. Life throws so much at them and we as parents can’t be there for every small issue that may arise. Nice post.
Friday Fancies : Chambray
Twitter: avagracescloset
Very true, Susan. I really believe in the importance of solving problems.
very enlightening! i usually don’t know how to teach my child the basics of problem solving, i just tell him not to give up solving the problem. the key points here are very concise and direct to the point, just what i need!
A Drawing A Day13
Glad you find this useful, Ea. Welcome to Green Eggs & Moms and hope to see you here more!
I already commented but I am sharing this!
Nutella Brownie Bars (Whole Wheat)
Thank you, Pamela!
Great post! We deal with this on an ongoing basis everyday. It could be as simple as “The TV isn’t working” to much more complex situations. Problem solving is just a wonderful skill that even a lot of adults need to learn!
Goodbye 30s… Hello End of the Line
Twitter: Mommys_Busy
What’s great is that once you have the process down, you can practice it anytime and anywhere. Thanks for dropping by, Andrew.
This post truly holds a bunch of info. We must equip our children to understand and handle intricacies in life! Of late, parents are behaving not like mentors but just to be their servants (I mean, they do everything on behalf of kids not letting them know how to sort out issues).. this would invite dangers in future.
Thanks again! I truly enjoyed reading this.
Bi-lingual chaos…
Twitter: princess_liya
Glad you enjoyed this post. This is such an important message!
Anne, your blog looks incredible! I haven’t been over here in a while… wow.
Twitter: BeckyMcNeer
Haha, thanks Becky. Still have minor fixes but it will more or less look this way for a long time