Get Kids to Listen & Follow Part 3: Using the “If-Then” Method

Notice how using the phrase “stop doing that” may not always do much to get kids to cease what they’re doing?

Especially if it’s something like using the bed as a trampoline?

Besides, it’s actually a negative phrase, and today, more parents prefer positive disciplining.

So, what have I got up my sleeves? Oh, just another trick that will…

Gets kids to stop doing what they shouldn’t without explicitly telling them not to do it.

The If-Then Method

Before proceeding, I credit this method to the wonderful Vivien Sabel, author of the awesome The Blossom Method. (If you have a newborn, this book is a must-read! Read my review here.)

I was chatting with Vivien once on Skype, and it was then when I witnessed how she told her 7-year old daughter, Blossom, to stop doing something without actually uttering the word “stop”. Throughout our conversation, Blossom would occasionally pop in and out of the room Vivien was in. And there were times when the little girl interrupted our conversation (not in a rude fashion, of course! She’s just too cute for that!).

This resulted to Vivien not hearing what I had just said. What happened next amazed me. Vivien then calmly said something to the effect of, “If you do that (talking loudly), then I can’t hear Anne.”

Then there it was. Silence. Blossom immediately kept quiet.

I found this method fascinating

Why? The If-Then Method is a clear way of teaching children cause and effect, without making them feel they’re doing something “wrong” and that they’re actions are being restricted.

The bottom line is: Through this method, what’s highlighted is what a particular action results to, and not what children shouldn’t be doing.

This is the perfect way for making children aware of how certain behaviors–theirs in particular–affect people around them.

Let’s study the difference between “Stop That!” and “If-Then”

Isn’t it better to communicate in a positive manner? By using the If-Then Method, you can easily do this.

Example 1:

Stop all that shouting. My ears will hurt soon.

If you shout, then Mommy’s ears will hurt.

Example 2:

Don’t eat any more of the chocolate frosting. We may not have enough to use on the cake.

If you continue to eat the chocolate frosting, then we may not have enough to use on the cake.

Example 3:

Stop jumping up and down the bed right now because you may fall.

If you continue to jump, then you may fall off the bed.

Notice anything?

Take the first example. Both sentences contain the same ideas, but the difference lies in the delivery. The first one (which contains “stop”),  is stated negatively, while the second sentence (which contains If-Then) is stated positively.

The beauty here is that by using the If-Then Method, children can conclude for themselves that they have to stop whatever they are doing, without you even using negative words or phrases such as “stop” and “don’t do that”.

Why should you change the way you communicate?

Answer me this: How do you feel when someone tells you to STOP doing something? Or when someone says to you, “Don’t do this! Don’t do that!”?

Feels quite annoying, doesn’t it? Besides…

You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

Before I end, I do want to remind you that there are certain instances when saying “stop” is the best way to communicate, i.e. during emergencies.

See Part 1, Part 2

Photos: First, Second