Is there a better parenting style?
A study called Growing Up In Ireland conducted by the Economic and Social Research Institute and Trinity College Dublin found that children under an authoritative parenting style did better, compared to those under an authoritarian parenting style or with neglectful parents.
What’s an authoritative parenting style again? It’s the one where parents establish rules and carry out punishments while providing emotional support to children. This means that reasons behind said rules and punishments are explained to the child.
Are there additional findings? You bet.
After working with 8, 500 Irish children, along with their parents and teachers using detailed interviews, the study found that:
- 1 in 5 Irish children had an emotional or behavioral problem
- Boys were more susceptible to behavioral problems such as fighting and hyperactivity
- Girls were more susceptible to emotional problems such as feeling anxious and being sad because they internalize problems
- Closeness to mom was necessary for the well-being of girls – not boys
- Level of closeness to dad had no impact on social or emotional problems
- Other issues that led to developing behavioral problems were:
- being a boy (sorry moms, it’s likely that your prince will have a tougher time compared to your princess)
- having learning or developmental disorders
- if children were from very low-income homes
- if children were from single-parent homes
If you’re dwelling on item number 6, especially the last few items… don’t. The study also showed that despite less-than-ideal circumstances, what’s more likely to influence the development of emotional or behavioral problems are children’s:
- temperament and
- relationship with parents
Therefore, whatever situation you’re in, improving the quality of your parent-child relationship may decrease the development of emotional or behavioral problems in your children.
What does this study mean to me?
You may be from another corner of the globe but this study supports another recent research which found that nurturing has a positive impact on child development.
It means that there might be something right about authoritative parenting, which is why we encourage parents to offer more emotional support to children. (By the way, here’s a quick guide on how to provide a nurturing environment for your kiddos.)
What do you think of the study? Do you agree or disagree?
About Anne Mercado
This is great information.We also find that early warning of possible consequences work well (although not always:). This is when I have to remind myself not to let their behavior push me to the boiling point before I jump in.
A Husband Can Still be a ‘Guy’, Without Being a ‘Guy’s Guy’ on ‘Guy’s Night Out’.
Twitter: KennyBodanis
Know what you mean about early warnings.. and it gets frustrating when my kiddo only listens when we’re nearing the “consequence.” But I guess it’s better than him not listening at all.
Thanks for dropping by, Kenny. Always great to have a DADs perspective here!
Do you know I just read a study that says they are going to stop “nurturing” and “coddling” kids because it leads to false self esteem in the school districts! Gibberish~! I think that we need to positively motivate and nourish the children in our lives and around the world to make for compassionate adults with an ability to reason and problem solve. We live in such a microwave state of mind that instant gratification is long sustaining and that is so not true. Just as with a dish that has been microwaved that leads to “hot spots” in personalities that get over looked if you seek the quick route.
Noonday Collection Product information/giveaway!
Twitter: booksbytj
That’s an interesting and surprising study! Do you mind sharing the link?
And I believe in providing emotional support to help children grow into better adults, just like you. Thanks for your great insight, Thomasina.
Anne I think that children need to have clear limits and know that they are the children and that their parents are capable and in charge. But, I feel that parents should do this is a very nurturing home, respecting the child’s feelings. I do not believe in physical punishment at all. So I guess if I read this right I believe in Authoritative parenting. But gosh do we have a hard job!! As always I love visiting your site, you always have such great info!! Thanks! xo
L is for Lizzy
Respecting children’s feelings is a great way for them to learn empathy too. And yes, if only parents explained the rationale behind discipline and consequence, many kids would be better off.
Most people my age came from a generation wherein we were simply expected to follow – no questions asked. The problem with this is that as children, we had a very myopic view of how life worked. Not a very good foundation.
Love having you here Kathy! And yes, parents have a REAL difficult job. We’re raising human beings…
Funny, because here I sit with a child with PDD and ADHD, and I was very strict with him in the younger years. I supported him emotionally to the point of exhaustion, but I also gave limits and enforced them, sometimes to a fault (I think). Yet I’m much easier on my little girl, and she’s showing no signs of either disorder. Now, I don’t 100% believe that my parenting style “created” these disorders, but they may have given them definition. He was born early (33 weeks) and was on a ventilator for 3 weeks which some doctors feel may have a part in it… I guess we’ll just never know
New Money
Twitter: VenturesofHome
There are studies that have seen correlations between being born (even at 2 weeks) early to have effects of behavior and development – but then again every single thing that happens in our lives shapes us as a person- birth included.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing, Jenn!
For me I do believe in nurturing from birth and that certain traits like sensitivity is not just for girls but can be for boys too..as in the case of my #2 son. We just have to find the right mix/balance to bring up our kids to the best of our ability.
Writer’s Workshop: Questioning the Magic of Disney
Twitter: dominiquegoh
Absolutely, sensitivity is for everyone! Thanks for leaving a comment, Dominique!
This is fabulous insight. being a first time mom and feel like I can use all the advice I can get. Thanks so much!
My First Date
Thanks, Cynthia. Glad you found this useful and hope to see you more here!
I go for authoritative parenting style (even if I’m not a parent hehe). Setting rules and making kids understand the consequences of their actions are very important. Yup, I agree about boys being harder to handle, after all, I have 3 nephews.
Annette Larkins’ Journey to Health
3 boys running around the house… I have one and he’s a handful already. Can’t imagine how 2 more would make me look (more stressed?) haha.
I knew this! As usual the truth lies in the middle. Being an authoritarian or too permissive parent isn’t good, but being one in between is right.
Moving to the country: what nobody tells you!
Twitter: momfever
That’s the concise version of the post
Couldn’t have said it any better!
I think we are all doing our best to make this parenting gig work with what we know and have been given…and there’s always more to learn! If I had to label myself, I guess I would say I am authoritarian because I call most of the shots, but I also let my kids call the shots when appropriate and let them live with the consequences so they experience the weight and value of independence. I also talk about feelings waaayyy more than they probably care to, but to me, the goal is teach them how to be responsible, caring citizens…and that means understanding the whys and hows of what we do and the motives behind them. No one tells you that at the baby shower!!
The Precious Present Moment
Love this comment! Letting children live with consequences is the best way for them to learn. And yes, no body warns you about the complexities of being a parent. Thanks for your great insights, Lynn.
Before getting pregnant, I actually never thought about what parenting style should I follow. I believe that each one do what they believe is best depending on their situation. If would have to label my parenting style, I’d say we are on the side is more on attachment parenting. And when it comes to disciplining, we try to impose positive disciplining, lesser on the side of punishments – because that’s what our instincts is drawing us into. But hubby and I are first time parents so we are also learning along the way.
Spanish Pinay
Friday Fun Food: Creamy Broccoli and Cauliflower Crumble
Twitter: Spanish_Pinay
Same here, did not even know parenting styles existed until I started researching. And as parents, we will always do what we think is best for the situation which is why we need all the information we can get.
Oh and thank you for your great comments… I’m 100% sure other moms out there will agree that we always takeaway something from what you share.
Hugs to you!
I find that parenting with a backbone is what helps us. My parenting style is not rigid, and when the time or circumstance call for it, I adapt to the situation. I’m not here to dictate to my kids what to do, but I’m here to guide them and nurture them into independence. That’s not to say that I aim to be best friends with them…I am still their parent, and I am the authority when it comes to the non-negotiables, which are health, virtues, discipline, etc.
Twitter: jenlaceda
Love what you said: parenting with a backbone and I couldn’t agree more! We all have different styles but at the end of the day, we need to be able to discipline and guide our children.
Makes sense to me. My wife and I just had a baby and our approach is definitely going to be authoritative. Fortunately we’re on the same page.
The key, I think is, to give reasons for the rules. To simply say “because” without an explanation results in a disconnect with a kid. They want to know the reasoning behind rules. If there is no sound reason, then perhaps the rule isn’t necessary.
Moreover, simply laying down reams of rules without an explanation falls into authoritarian parenting. I think that’s the big difference.
Spousal Support and Common Law Relationships in British Columbia
Nice to have a dad comment!
And yes, it makes a world of difference to a child when parents give an explanation. Otherwise, they are left wondering “why” – and let me tell you that leaving a child to his/her own thoughts won’t be good. Best they hear how the world works from their parents or caregivers.
Hope to see you more here, Jesse! Welcome to Green Eggs & Moms.
Thanks a lot Anne. Happy and new dad learning the ropes. Writing this at 3:45 am hoping our little guy stays asleep. I’ll be back. Great blog!!
Spousal Support and Common Law Relationships in British Columbia
Oh wow! 3:45 in the morning.. I remember those days. How old is your little one?
Anne,
Please would I be able to have the full reference of this report. I would love to read it in full detail as I am a Psychology student at University and this would be great research to add to my report.
Regards,
E
I used the report from Independent.ie which is the first link in this post. Also found that Growing Up in Ireland, has a website: http://www.growingup.ie/ so you might want to check that out. Let me know if this helps. Thanks, E!
Love this post! And everything it says about boys is oh so true!
I am SO glad I discovered this site! 
(Been seeing it every now and then on Twitter and FB, but never got around to actually looking at the site till now!) LOVE it! 
More power to you moms (are there dads?) behind this! Galing ng Pinoy! 
hehe! God bless!
50 Days of Amazing Grace: Day 6 – Amazing Love
Twitter: tinasrodriguez
Glad you like this post and blog, Tina, and your kind words are much appreciated. Right now it’s only a mom behind this but would love to have more people on board in the near future. Will look forward to seeing you more around here. Happy weekend!
-Anne
I was coming for a visit, and caught this post in your sidebar. This study doesn’t surprise me at all. Often, we will sit with our friends, and discuss that we feel like our successful adult lives came from a strong, authoritative upbringing. And it’s not really about money, but the quality of life. You can handle life more easily with that kind of upbringing it seems.
I noticed in the comments that coddling and nurturing were being used similarly, and I don’t see them as similar at all. You can still nurture with tough love, but too much coddling doesn’t teach you any lessons, or prepare you for life.
Battle of The Leading Men Round 2: Josh Duhamel vs. Raoul Bova
Twitter: ClubContent
You make a very good point about nurturing and tough love, Courtney. Nurture does mean that we assist our kids in developing – if it means a lot of time outs and reprimanding, so be it, as long as it is explained to them properly. Great comment as usual, Courtney!!!