Guest post by Vince Bunuan
Note from Anne: I’m glad to present the first ever “dad” post to you all, which is just in time for Father’s Day. Read through it and you’ll find out why it’s worth 3 minutes of your precious time.
Being an “active dad” is the biggest joy of my life.
I simply love hearing our son tell my wife, “Mama, you are not as fun as Papa”! ☺ Sure, my wife was unhappy about this and I tried outwardly to comfort her, but deep inside I was doing fist pumps and high-fiving myself.
Once I got over the phase of wanting to be a fireman or policeman as a child, somewhere around middle school, I decided I wanted to be a father… not just any father, but some kind of super dad combination of all three of the pseudo-dads in “Full House”.
Vince and Vico
I did not want to be the overbearing and disciplined father as depicted by Georg von Trapp in “Sound of Music” who would summon his children with a whistle he kept around his neck.
And I further cringed at the perception of fatherhood displayed by Al Bundy, Homer Simpson, and TV dads who end up doing more harm than good when they get home.
I was resolved to do everything I could to be my wife’s equal or at least compliment with the parenting roles.
When our son was born, I happily got active with the diaper changing, putting him back to sleep, and preparing the milk. When he puked on me after eating that was ok. When he would pee on me when I was not fast enough changing his diapers, then shame on me.
I had embraced fatherhood and all of its “pleasant” surprises. How could anyone not love it?!?!
Getting our son to smile at something that I did and being able to pull from an assortment of facial expressions and sounds was always a treat. I would look upon others trying in vain to get him to smile, laugh, and even stop crying; eagerly waiting for my name to be called so that I could do “that thing” I would do to make our son cackle with delight.
I often came home from work, both my wife and I worked full-time, and I would go straight to our son and whisk him away to explore the surrounding neighborhood as we found new adventures, more things to climb, and numerous “secret passages”.
It was a great break from the grind of work!
I would daydream of what new costumes I would make with our son when I was at work out of the balikbayan boxes, in between balancing the office budget and analyzing company expenses.
Managing work and home became very similar: rather than having to run around the office making sure deadlines were met and projects completed; I had to hop and juggle to make sure dirty diapers were disposed of and spin to get the warm bottle of milk prepared.
We rarely wanted to leave our son and ignored nearly all phone calls in the weekdays and weekend.
We probably lost some friends, but gained more play dates and more family bonding time. Being together was like being unplugged from the rest of the world and being injected with the reality of life and how things can pass by if you are not aware to stop and look.
I love talking about our son and family and swapping stories with other couples more than talking about cars, stocks, and even occasionally, SPORTS.
I hate going to parties and having designated seats based on gender… the men sit in that table, the women sit over here. We all should be able to talk about parenting, why should the mom’s have all the fun!
Happy Father’s Day to all the “active” father’s out there!
Author bio:
Vince is married and a father to a 4.5 year old boy. His family recently moved to the Philippines in 2011 and he is constantly making quick observations on parenting, having lived on both coasts of the U.S. He greatly misses NFL, the 4 seasons of the East Coast, and college basketball games, but loves the running community of the Philippines.
Vince is a wonderful, engaged father! I love to here that there are dads like this!! My dad was like that with me and my husband is like that with our children and grandchildren!!
~Erin
Truth Is…
Twitter: ErinPatrick
Thank you Erin! Yes, it really felt odd as I really wanted to aspire to be a good father at such a young age. I am sure there are lots of paths to being engaged and active parents… not all of it has to fall on the moms, as that would almost be too much pressure to do so. Happy parents + compliment each other (ying and yang) = Happy Family
, but all that being said… it is a BIG learning process!
Twitter: vinceb4
He really is, Erin!
I especially love the last paragraph about being seperated by gender. Vince is right we should all be able to talk about parenting together. I love that he is so involved with his son. So often we hear about single moms and the Dads not taking an active role.
Wordless Wednesday Black Belt Edition
Twitter: marisafrank
Yes! and why stop with just talking about parenting… equal halves with chores too!
It really takes a village.
Twitter: vinceb4
Hi Marisa. I actually sat across Vince at a common friend’s dinner party and was surprised he was interested in parenting-related discussions. It was truly a great treat.
awww, thanks Anne!
Twitter: vinceb4
What a marvelous example of what it really means to be a dad! Television seems to have so many negative examples, and there are always stories out there of heartbroken kids who only wish their dad were like this. Super kudos to you for doing what it takes to really stay involved with your son!
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Thanks RJ! It may not be the most popular thing with the other “guy friends”, but who knows… with every vocal Dad others may also get vocal and more positive depictions on tv/film can curb public perceptions of “machismo” in fatherhood. This will then lessen the pressures on fathers and families which will then be seen in the children.
Twitter: vinceb4
This is one example on TV’s positive influence.
It’s heartwarming to see how much you cherish the time you spend with your son! Children progress so quickly and we’re all left with the question: ‘Where did the time go?’ Enjoy every moment and have a Happy Father’s Day!
Polynomials, Quadratic Equations, Algebra Help
Twitter: Education_Mom
thanks Valerie! I often think when is the perfect age or timeframe to freeze our son… and so far, my favorite age for him keeps changing
Twitter: vinceb4
That’s true, Valerie. Kids grow up so fast and it can be a struggle to juggle quality time with work.
I find it interesting that you say:
“And I further cringed at the perception of fatherhood displayed by Al Bundy, Homer Simpson, and TV dads who end up doing more harm than good when they get home.”
My husband told me how he hated how many tv dads fall into this category. Like you, he is a wonderful and involved father.
Happy Father’s Day, you’ve earned it.
Twitter: yourchildsfood
Thank you Claire! and fist pumps to your husband, happy father’s day to him!
Twitter: vinceb4
Hi Claire! I’m glad your husband is an involved Father. I am sure you’re delighted
Say hi to your adorable daughter, and hope you guys had a great Father’s day weekend!
When I think of a tv dad I think of Bill Cosby! These tv shows do shape our image of fatherhood.
The hunt for Moms is now open!
Twitter: momfever
YES! Dr. Huxtable definitely was the modern epitome of the dad to aspire to be! Cool, funny, charming, romantic, and unequivocal love.
Twitter: vinceb4
Absolutely! That’s why we have to be careful with what kids watch.
This is so fun to be part of this particular website world. It is like fulfilling a space and area in my mind that was just not getting properly “watered” and now it is nice to see alot of positive responses and support here.
Twitter: vinceb4
Readers here are very supportive
I so enjoyed this! It’s always nice to hear from the men on parenting, and especially in our mom blogosphere world. How refreshing to know there are men who completely embrace their parenting roles hands on like Vince has:) Thanks Vince!
Quality Blog Content Equals Passion, Conversation & Relevance
Twitter: ClubContent
Thanks so much! It is nice to feel so welcome in here
Twitter: vinceb4
Glad you liked this, Courtney! It’s always great to have different perspectives once in a while. It enriches us.
What a great dad! You are doing it all and doing it well! I agree – I n SOuth AFrica it’s often men sit to gether outside by the fire while the women are in the kitchen…I prefer to mix it up so you get interesting perspectives from both sides!
Leigh
What is a FATHER?
Twitter: Twinfun1n1
We should all meet up! I admit, it is hard feeling the push and tug from what I feel in my gut to do about parenting and what society or outside forces have to say about it. Hard to be the good-son, good-husband, good-employee, good-dad all at the same time based on cultural norms.
Twitter: vinceb4
It seems parents are luckier now compared to 10 or 20 years ago. Now, parents are more involved and can take on roles that were considered taboo.
Great post! It’s heartwarming to see a dad so enthusiastic about being a dad. I’m so blessed that my hubby is also so hands-on like you. He’s even better at parenting than me.
ABC’s of Improving Our Relationship With Our Children, Cymplified!
Twitter: ceemee
I am sure that you both compliment each other
Twitter: vinceb4
I’m sure you’re very proud of your husband, Cym!
I wish all dads were like you, Vince! You’d gladly drop everything for your son. I guess your knack for parenting is innate. TV shows could only have done so much to influence you.
Oh, I used to love watching “Full House”- if only for John Stamos
The Koan Which Stumped Me
Twitter: PepperTan
Absolutely! My dad was a workaholic but he made sure he had time for us!
Thanks! My dad was pretty awesome as well, but his time with us was limited since he worked the nightshift. But I will always remember how he was my first soccer coach, and how he tried to pick us up from school every day
Twitter: vinceb4
Thank you for sharing Vince. I’d love to show this to my hubby!
Thanks for sharing, Grish!
It would be great to hear your husband’s take… each father goes through their own transformations
Twitter: vinceb4