Are you familiar with these:
“You can only stand up from your chair if you finish your broccoli!”
“Please, please, please eat the carrots! You used to love them.”
You’ve tried threats, pleading, bribing, and pleading again but all seem futile.
Mealtime becomes tension-filled for both you and the kiddo, where frustration levels increase much to everyone’s dismay.
The question is: “What’s the best way to handle picky eaters?”
Is it to hide vegetables in their food?
Nope — and here’s why you shouldn’t.
What then?
To relax.
Wait, how can I relax when my child treats fruits and vegetables as if they were poison?
Don’t worry, I haven’t lost my mind. But once you’re through with this post, you’ll see how you can relax and maybe even laugh at your situation.
I. Why kids are picky eaters — thank you, mother nature
1. It’s in the genes
Is it possible that your kiddo refuses to eat cabbage because of you? A study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition suggests the answer is yes. If you rejected some fruits and vegetables as a child, you may see history repeat itself.
The study set out to quantify how genetics and environmental factors influence food neophobia, which is defined as fear of trying out new food.
Dr. Cooke and her colleagues found that 78% is genetic, while 22% is environmental.
2. It’s the age
According to Ask Dr. Sears, here’s why kids go on a “strike” from eating healthy food:
An infant experiences rapid growth within the first year of life, but when she gets to ages 1 to 3, her growth rate slows down. What this means is that she now requires fewer calories, believe it or not. So the first thing tossed out of the menu is… you guessed it! Veggies.
Also, a post from The New York Times says that a toddler’s diverse palette, receptive to an assortment of fruits and vegetables, ends at 2 years of age. The good news is that the picky eating stage disappears right about when children are 4 – 5 years old.
But why do toddlers shun the healthy stuff all of a sudden? The answer will be partly explained in items 3 and 4.
3. It’s an evolutionary response
You’re probably thinking: Why on Earth would kids be wired to be picky?
Well, it’s for their own safety.
Remember Dr. Cooke who incidentally is a specialist in the development of children’s eating habits?
She told Live Science that toddlers during the cave days were kept safe from their natural inquisitiveness…
As soon as toddlers begin to walk and start putting things in their mouth, they are in danger of swallowing poisonous items.
Thanks to the evolutionary response of picky eating, curious cave toddlers were safer.
4. It’s because of their size
According to an article by Dr. Gwen Dewar, a behavioral ecologist, kids may be wired to reach out for high energy foods because of their small frame. Let me explain.
Small bodies lose heat faster and have smaller digestive tracts. Add being active to the mix and it make sense why kids prefer sweets over green leafy vegetables.
But we’re not done.
II. Why kids are picky eaters — thank you, mom and dad
As the subheading suggests, you may want to look into your parenting style.
Disclaimer: This portion isn’t intended to blame anyone. Instead, it aims to bring awareness on how parenting can lead to picky eaters.
6. Pressuring kids to eat fruits and veggies
An article from MSNBC’s Today Health writes that a study has found this: parents who pressure kids to eat are more likely to have picky eaters.
Is it a form of rebellion? Perhaps.
But do note that there is a difference between forcing kids to finish a plate of okra – either within a time limit or outside one – and encouraging them to try new food.
The study refers to the former, which is why it’s best to trust your child’s self-regulation. Allow her stop eating when she says she’s full. And when she doesn’t feel like eating, don’t force her to.
7. Unwittingly teaching kids to turn to food
A post from Psychology Today cites several research that suggest this: When parents use food to soothe children – after a fall or for being sad or upset – it teaches the latter to use food to calm down.
It makes sense that this may sabotage efforts made on teaching healthy eating. It also won’t be surprising that these kids may refuse fruits and vegetables since they view food as an emotional tool, instead of a nutritional one.
Now, how can these 7 reasons help me, you ask?
Well for one, in knowing that nature – genetical, developmental and ecological factors - is a force working to fuel your picky eater, you’ll be less critical of your child’s eating habits, and yourself as a parent.
As far as parenting style’s impact on picky eating goes, being aware of what actions to avoid can help decrease mealtime arguments.
The truth is, kids eventually outgrow pickiness. The trick is to ride the wave, be patient and just offer as much healthy food as you can. Without forcing the issue.
So relax, relax and relax.
About Anne Mercado
what great points–I never thought about- an evolutionary response-but it makes a great point. One age group you forgot-teen- where its just their nature to go against any good meal planning and live on pizza and chips ~LOL
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Haha, I’ll keep that in mind for when my son becomes a teenager.
To an extent, I agree. But all my kids went through a picky phase and we didn’t stop serving veggies. Instead, we taught them how foods worked and engaged them in the process:
Each one breezed through the picky phase — they knew when the hard poop came that it was time for veggies. They’d heard it all their lives.
1. fruits and veggies are good poop food. Constipated? We would ask them, “Did you eat your good poop food today?”
2. water makes good pee. Dark yellow? Smelly? “Do you need more water?”
3. strong bones come from milk and cheese. “Have you eaten your strong bones food today?
4. meats and legumes make strong muscles. “Let’s make sure you feed those muscles so you can be strong to play tomorrow.”
They learned to eat healthy by learning how food works from about their first birthday on. The dialogue began with “here are your carrots to give you energy and help you poop.” Of course, I didn’t do that at restaurants!
Just my perspective! Hope it wasn’t too blunt.
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Twitter: karen_dawkins
These are great additions! I know for one that this works. This morning, my toddler wouldn’t want to eat her breakfast and I started telling her that she needs to eat so she can play well with the kids in the daycare.otherwise she’ll feel tired and won’t be able to keep up. What do you know, she suddenly told me “ok, mami, I’ll eat!” I was elated!
Spanish pinay
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Oh Karen, not blunt at all! That’s why I said in the end that the trick is to continue offering healthy options, because you just have to keep trying and not serving veggies isn’t going to help.
You know I LOVE the way you taught your kids the health benefits of fruits and veggies, I’m trying them on the kiddo now. He’s not a picky eater but am trying to encourage him to eat healthier. Wonderful and helpful comment, Karen!! Thank you!
Very helpful comment! I agree with the good poop food, it works with my eldest!
I’m so happy she ate dinner last night with chayote and carrots! I rewarded her with chocolate! Is that bad?
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There are mixed feelings about rewarding kids for eating vegetables. But a study did find that kids who were rewarded – with stickers and praise – for eating veggies increased their consumption even after the rewards, which acts as external motivation, were removed. So it’s good but I would caution against rewarding using sweets
The goal is to teach kids to eat veggies because they are healthy – internal motivation – as opposed to doing it to get sweets. Make sense?
Makes sense! Thanks!
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this makes total sense! my daughter loves fruit and the sweet stuff although I try and keep her away from the sweets. Now that we are barely nursing she is eating more. I find that having them help and see you eating veggies and fruits, they are more likely to try it.
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It does help when they see us eating healthy. Hope Buggy is doing well these days – meaning not getting sick.
I so love Dr. Sears! His explanations always makes sense
and I can’t agree more about the evolutionary reason. Kids are really smart and are wired to survive. These facts can really help moms not to panic when their toddlers change their eating habits (like me!) Great article, Anne!
Spanish pinay
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Yes!! The goal is to help moms not panic or get frustrated (much). Glad you seemed to like this. It was written with a lot of love!
Anne… great article and great information!! Thank you for sharing.
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You are most welcome, Carla.
I am always thankful that my son is never a picky eater but indeed a monster eater. It also good to add that as parents we should be a good example to them. I observed that when my son sees us eating such food, he would ask for it too. SO when he sees us eating vegetables and fruits, he will eat that too. By the way, your information are very helpful to lessen frustrations of parents with picky eater child.
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Glad you son isn’t a picky eater, Maye! And yes, like I told Spanish Pinay, the goal is to reduce frustration in parents with picky eaters.
Great points. I was super picky eater as a child and my daughter is even worse. This would totally explain it. thank you!
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How are you managing?
At first, I wasn’t that interested in reading your post, but after reading a passage that was backed by Dr. Sears, I almost devour the whole thing! I loved the cave theory and I think it’s true, if the babies were cautious of what they were eating, they will expose themselves to less hazards and poisonous materials; I also think that babies are picky because their bodies are looking for the most caloric foods, we shouldn’t forget that they need to grow and fast.
Thanks
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I’m glad that you ended up reading this post, Salin! Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing this post.
Interesting application of evolution theory! This blog post is nice because if we can keep in mind that there might be some underlying reasons for the way our kids behave (besides just pushing our buttons!), then it’s easier to de-personalize the negative stuff and handle it calmly.
With 7 and 10 year old boys who have traditionally been pretty good eaters, I have to say there is always a tendency for them to gravitate away from eating lots of fruits and veggies. I think it’s easier when they’re with you all the time, but as they grow more independent going to school or friends houses, you have to count on them making their own healthy food choices. I always emphasize mixing in a fruit or veggie when they’re looking for high carb snacks. By asking them to choose something healthy also, my hope is that they will get in the habit of independently choosing a variety of foods including fruits and veggies.
Thanks for the great information!
Twitter: ParentingOwl
Sue I love what you said about de-personalizing the whole picky-eating situation. It’s so easy to forget that kids aren’t doing things to us on purpose – well, there are exceptions, but you get the picture.
Thank you so much for your comment! Hope you had a wonderful weekend!
I remember being a picky eater myself when I was little. Yes, eventually we outgrow it. That’s what I do to console myself whenever my daughter refuses to eat stuff.
Twitter: PepperTan
So normal for them to refuse eating stuff right? My next post will be about how to present food to get kids to eat more.. they might work on your daughter
If it truly is in the genes, then my baby has a 50-50 chance. I eat almost anything, while my husband tends to be unadventurous with food. Right now, I’m doing Baby Led Weaning with my 7-month old, hoping that it would help prevent her from becoming too picky. As reason #6 says, pressure from parents could contribute to pickiness. I believe this starts with the introduction of solids, when we spoonfeed them and try all sorts of tricks to get them to eat. With BLW, there’s no spoonfeeding, no drama, no pressure! Keeping my fingers crossed that my baby lives up to the promise of BLW
Spoon feeding was tied to obesity in this study. It actually makes sense that when you “force” kids to eat, even through the airplane technique, because you feel like they haven’t eaten enough, it interferes with their self-regulating abilities with regard to knowing when to stop eating.
It’s good to know that you’ve opted for baby led weaning which encourages children’s to listen to their body when it tells them their hungry and full.
Such great information Anne and fascinating!! My kids are more picky now than they were as infants and toddlers because they recognize their ability to choose and say no. Good for independence, bad for wanting them to eat what we’re eating. Every kid is different, therefore every solution is different, and I completely agree with its all about what they are offered more than anything else. I’ve sat down with my 9 year old daughter and gone over the nutritional info with the foods she’s choosing so she knows the difference, but it doesn’t take away the desire to want the chips over the almonds as a snack. Its hard for adults to make good decisions for their bodies, forget kids who have less impulse control! So even though we don’t offer the chips as an option, it doesn’t mean she won’t choose them when they become one somewhere else. Just keep plugging along… Great post Anne!
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I recall you mentioned before that you did teach your daughter how to read nutrition labels. That’s awesome, Lynn. It doesn’t seem like a lot of parents do so. And yes, it’s important for everyone to realize that all kids are different so the only thing you can do is to keep offering healthy options.
Glad you like this post, it was really written with a lot of love, as always.