How to Stop Your Child from Screaming. The Answer Isn’t Earplugs.

Toddlers and pre-schoolers are very adorable. Until they break out into a scream from the very top of their lungs!

Ouch. Talk about ear damage.

But of course, like everything in life, with a lot of patience and work, you can teach your cute-little screamer to refrain from this ear-piercing behavior. Here are parenting tips to help you get your child to modulate her voice:

1. Know why she is screaming.

Here’s a quick lesson on screaming. What it is: a distress call* from your child. What it’s not: a carefully planned parental assault, contrary to popular belief.

Shouting is a call for attention or a child’s way of expressing emotions she isn’t equipped to deal with yet. Why? Well, at her age, you can’t just expect her to sort our her feelings and calmly communicate like (most) adults do.

The trick is to figure out what the ruckus is all about. Is she tired, frustrated or does she just want attention? Knowing the issue can help you address it later in tip #4.

2. Talk to her in a calm manner.

When your little heavy-metal-singer-wannabe starts band practice, sans her band, explain 2 things to her:

• That you know something is wrong. It’s important for a child to know that you empathize with her. This will maker her feel that her voice is being heard, and I do mean this figuratively.

• That it’s better to speak gently rather than scream. This teaches her that effective communication is possible without screaming. And while we’re on the topic, please refrain from having a shouting match with your child. Mommy-screaming-back-at-me reinforces that shouting is the correct behavior.

3. Tune her and her screaming out.

There is no such thing as magic-yes, Hogwarts does not exist. Chances are, even after you’ve explained tip #2, she’ll return to her screaming ways. This is okay. It’s now time to shut her out, but in a loving manner. Tell her you will only mind her as soon as she lowers the volume.

Note: Ignoring attention-seeking behavior is crucial. Why? Think about this: she screams because she gets a reaction from you, right? The minute she wails, you run and reprimand her (assuming she did not hurt herself).

She’s got you wrapped around her tiny little fingers. But, if you don’t respond to her screams, she’ll ditch this ear-shattering attention-seeking method because it’s just not working. It’s that simple.

4. Address the issue.

Now that her throat’s probably sore, she’s stopped screaming. This is the best time to discuss the issue with her.

If she can speak already, ask her why she was upset and then give her solutions to the problem. If she can’t speak yet, tell her you know why she was upset and just the same, offer her solutions.

5. Bring in the reinforcements (and I’m not referring to a battalion).

Reinforce tip #2 to teach her that even when she’s tired, frustrated or angry, effective communication can take place without shouting.

Reinforce positive behavior by praising her on (finally) ending her scream-a-thon. It’s important that she knows her scream-free actions are most appreciated.

That’s all, folks.

Following these 5 tips once won’t immediately or permanently guarantee scream-free toddlers and pre-schoolers. So, be patient and stand your ground when the screaming comes.

Invest in earplugs if you wish. But most importantly, apply these tips and your child will eventually learn that screaming won’t get her anywhere.

Got any tips that worked for you? Let me know by leaving a comment below, I’d love to hear all about it.

Additional Reading:
*Parenting.blogs.nytimes.com - Seeing Tantrums as Distress, Not Defiance
Photo:
Creative Commons from Enokson