5 Things I Secretly Think of When My Child Is Acting Up
From the archive. This post was first published on the original Green Eggs and Moms blog and is kept here as it was.
Disclaimer: Turn away now if you have no sense of humor. This was written in the name of humor and to keep parents entertained from life’s daily demands. Also, in no way, shape, or form do I encourage anyone to do what’s outlined in the headings below.
Whew. At least that’s out of the way; now we can begin.
There are many instances when caring for kids can get overwhelming, frustrating, difficult, annoying, and ________ (feel free to insert another word you have in mind).
And when the going gets tough, I sometimes feel like:
1. I want to throw my child out of the window…
…but I never will…unless there’s a fire and throwing him out of the window is the only way to save him. Other than that, there will be no broken windows in my home.
2. I want to put him up for sale…
…just for a few hours then I’d gladly buy him back–even with interest. Of course, despite my need for peace and quiet during a sugar-induced session of screaming and ricocheting, I will miss the little critter.
3. I want to run and hide…
…when he calls me, but I don’t.
Okay.
Maybe I do sometimes, but the one-sided hide-and-seek game doesn’t last very long! I end up responding to his calls after a few seconds anyway. So, yeah, there goes that plan.
4. I want to pay a super genius scientist to come up with a real-life pause button…
…like the one from movie Click starring Adam Sandler and Kate Beckinsale. But that would mean that I’d lose precious time to be with him. So, we can scrap this thought.
5. I want to leave him on the sidewalk when he’s throwing a fit in the car…
…but, of course, that’s unsafe, so I’d rather have my eardrums ruptured by temper tantrum shrieks. Also, I don’t want my child to spend lots of money and hours on a therapy couch.
So, yes, these are things that really go through my head when things get crazy. But, hey, they just stay there. They’ll never turn into actions. Ever.
Are there things you think of, too, that may make (non-humorous) other parents squirm? Do share!
Photo: Source