Did You Just Lose it, Mom? 5 Things to do After Snapping at Your Child
From the archive. This post was first published on the original Green Eggs and Moms blog and is kept here as it was.
What should you do after snapping at your child?
We’ve all snapped at our children.
We’re human.
We’re not robots nor are we those sitcom parents who are eerily calm when their children misbehave.
So, now the question is, what do you do after snapping and guilt consumes you?
1. Cut yourself some slack
If you want to beat yourself up, do it for a maximum of 5 minutes–okay 10. After that, focus on making things right.
2. Compose yourself
You’re about to face a child who’s probably frightened after your little mom-zilla outburst, so be as calm as possible.
Breath in. Breath out. Relax.
3. Apologize
Look your child in the eye and say sorry. This humble act teaches her how to resolve and repair less-than-ideal situations.
4. Explain:
- That sometimes even adults do what they’re not supposed to
This is an important message to convey because it teaches your child that (a) adults are fallible as opposed to infallible or not prone to commit mistakes, and (b) it’s normal to commit mistakes, but what’s important is what you do after.
- The reason you snapped (while refraining from finger pointing)
Teach an impressionable mind that her actions are powerful enough to affect someone–whether in a positive or negative manner. Tell her what it was that set you off so that she is aware of how it affects you and can work towards averting such instances from happening in the future.
Do this while avoiding the blame game so she learns to (a) be sensitive to others, and (b) think before she acts.
Lastly, explain that just because certain actions can rile others, it doesn’t give anyone–yourself included–the right to snap. Controlling emotions is still key, which leads us to the next item.
5. Make a deal
Ask your child to help you change for the better. Cook up a plan to help you stay calm.
Do this and you become team when it comes to changing behavior and responses to unfavorable situations. This also makes you a great role model because you are showing the willingness to change.
To err is human. And hey, as parents we fumble (a lot), but it’s how we handle the situation after and resolve to better that define us.
So next time you snap and shout, take a deep breath, apologize, explain and ask your children to help you be a better person.
What do YOU do after snapping at your little ones?
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